if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
