i don't like sucking hair
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
