Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
