Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
