You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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