rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I deserve this hangover.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
