Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize