He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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