I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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