He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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