it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
