when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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