Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
