I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
