Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
