You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have fence marks all over my body
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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