I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
