watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
