I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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