I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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