it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
