ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He better not be in your backpack
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
