So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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