If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I need water and some morals
Randomize
