I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
