Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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