My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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