He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
