yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
