In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
