nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
