His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
