I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
