I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
