Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
