Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
