Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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