new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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