i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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