he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
