i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
