can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
