she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The air taste purple.
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