OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
