Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
