pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
