it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
