how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
