Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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