i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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