the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
