Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize