she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
