hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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