If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
