I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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