it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
