Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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