two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
