Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
