I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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