plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He literally asked permission to hit on me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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