Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize