She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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