Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
