the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize